Helping your Child through their Separation Anxiety

Separation Anxiety at Wake-Ups, Bedtimes and Everything in Between: Supporting Your Child Through it

It can feel heartbreaking and frustrating when your child wakes crying, calling for you in the early morning hours. If this has become a regular pattern, it might be due to a combination of habit, separation anxiety, and—let’s be honest—a little confusion on your child’s part about what time it even is.

Let’s talk through how to gently shift this behavior while staying connected and supportive of your child’s emotional needs.

First, Know This: Crying at Wake-Up is Normal

Waking and crying out to connect with a parent is developmentally appropriate. That doesn’t mean it feels easy in the moment, especially when you’re bleary-eyed and reaching for your coffee. But your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time—they’re having a hard time. And how we respond can shape the habit and the experience.

Is It Anxiety… or Frustration?

Before we dive into strategies, take a moment to observe your child’s body language upon waking or when you leave the room. Are they panicked, wide-eyed, and frantic—perhaps showing signs of anxiety? Or is the cry more of an angry protest against a boundary, like staying in bed until the green light comes on?

Understanding the root of the behavior helps you respond with the right energy. Either way, your calm, confident presence is the secret sauce.

Help Your Child Know: Is It Morning Yet?

Young children don’t have an internal clock that clearly tells them when it’s morning. That’s where tools like a color-changing toddler clock come in handy. These visual cues take the guesswork out of early wake-ups.

Celebrate when they stay in bed until the green light! Even a few minutes of success is worth a mini dance party. Kids thrive on positive reinforcement—this is a great time to be extra enthusiastic.

Morning Flow Matters

It helps to build structure into the first moments of the day. I recommend getting your child fully dressed and ready for the day before offering milk, food, or nursing. This creates a clean transition out of sleep time and helps signal that we’re officially in “daytime” mode.

What Can She Do Instead?

If she wakes before the clock turns green, offer alternatives:

• Cuddle her bedroom buddy (a favorite stuffed animal or blanket).

• Sing a quiet song—bonus points if it's one you sing at bedtime.

• Pretend play with stuffies using silly voices (an English accent, anyone?).

• Stay in bed and build a tower with soft toys.

  
  

Give her a few simple, comforting options that don’t involve calling out right away. These small shifts teach independence while also honoring her need for security.

Are You Living With Her in the Anxiety all throughout the Day?

Let’s get honest for a moment—how do you respond when your child is upset you left the room or went to another part of the house? Do you immediately return, trying to soothe her distress? Or do you model confidence and then reconnect joyfully?

Our children borrow from our emotional state. If your separation is followed by a calm, playful reconnection—“Mommy went to get coffee and change the laundry, and now I’m back! Can I see your tower?”—your child learns that separation is safe, and connection always returns.

Tell the Story of Your Day

Kids need context. If there’s been a schedule change—maybe you went back to work, daycare started, or new caregivers are involved—tell your child the story of what’s happening.

Create a little social story together: This could be a simple construction paper project done at home, or a unique book made online.

• “Mom Goes to Work”

• “Dad Takes a Trip”

• “Charlie Starts Daycare”

  
  

Draw pictures. Add photos. Keep it simple and relatable. Knowing who is coming and going, and what their day looks like, helps reduce the uncertainty that can fuel anxiety.

Keep It Light, Keep It Playful

You can bring humor into these early mornings. A funny voice, a silly stuffed animal chat, or even making your child giggle with a goofy morning dance can break the habit loop of wake → cry → parent returns → milk.

Playfulness doesn’t dismiss their feelings—it helps them move through them with connection and joy.

Separation Anxiety Checklist:

• Use visual cues like a color clock to create clarity.

• Reinforce positive wake-up behavior with celebration and consistency.

• Offer clear, loving alternatives for what to do instead of crying.

• Stay calm, model confidence, and narrate your own comings and goings.

• Use social stories and morning structure to reduce anxiety and increase predictability.

• And above all, stay playful and light. You’re the anchor in their little storm—and it won’t always be this hard.

  
  

You’ve got this, and I’m here to help if you need more support along the way. 💛

xoxo, Lindsay